What is Silverscapes?

Silverscapes is a state of mind I sometimes feel when the emotional pain has flooded my existence and I cannot take anymore. This, at least, is what i suspect the purpose of it is. In a silverscape all the color is filtered and I only see in shades of grey. Perhaps it operates as a means to dampen the pain for a time until I have time to heal. Its a surreal experience.

What is the Purpose of this Blog?

I am a social phobic person with BPD. Currently I am almost completely isolated. I tend to have only a couple friends at a time and when they move on I often find myself in intolerable pain. This I feel now.

This blog then I guess is an outlet; the only outlet I have right now. In a more perfect world, perhaps it will also enable me to meet new people who can accept me as I am.

About Me

Most people who know me would describe me as intelligent. I earned an AA degree in the Spring of 2012 with high honors along with an outstanding student award. In the fall of 2013 I plan on moving on to a four your school for a BA in Sociology. Although I am far more interested in Anthropology, Anthropology does not offer an online degree for social phobics like myself. Still, Sociology does offer many of the same topics to study.

I am 35 and male. Beyond the AA degree with honors, I have nothing to show for my age. 

I have never been married. Just recently a relationship has ended. It had been such a long time since I felt close to someone. She taught me the word Cantankerous. Every time I think of it I think of her, her voice, and the playful way she used it.

How I Feel Right Now

I feel that I have morphed to far beyond social norms to have a lasting relationship. I'm to far disillusioned. So when I look forward in time all I see is loneliness, hopelessness. Right now I fail to see the point.