As I prepared to leave the game by getting everything in order I remember thinking that that must be what preparing to die must be like. Again, I get how idiotic it must sound. Don't worry, I'm not quite suicidal. If I go, I want to go accomplishing something, giving something, perhaps like in that movie Seven Pounds with Will Smith. I suspect quite a few suicidal morons, such as myself, after seeing that movie, had similar thoughts.
It's on my mind often.
Currently I am listening to such beautiful solo piano music. Occasionally Emile Pandolfi comes on. It makes me feel as if I could just let go and drift out of existence. So beautiful is that piano, and such a lonely melody.
More often than not, I am too curious for suicide. I want to know how the story ends. Are we merely computer programs as some scientist have suggested? Are their other intelligent life forms in our galaxy? Just recently I read that there are around 100 billion planets in our galaxy alone.
Sometimes though, as it has recently, the solitude becomes too much and the memories too many, and I am not sure I will make it.
More Babble
When I was younger there was a t.v. show called the incredible hulk. Even then... I must have been 7 or 8, listening to the lonely man theme song, I knew that was me. As I look back at myself in the past, I can almost see myself looking forward at me, hoping my life would not be this endless loneliness.I can almost cut this loneliness with a knife.
Hopefully my next post will be more productive and informative.
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